The Israelite in me

I’m sitting at week five here in Swift Current. And I am finally facing forward. Not to the left. Not to the right. Not backwards. Forward.

My time here so far has taught me that I too, have some Israelite in me. Despite the fact that our “visit” to Swift Current has been confirmed by prophecy, prayer, sign after sign after sign, an incredible job and visions fulfilled, a part of me refused to believe it.

I kept looking back. My not-so-steadfast mind would creep back to surface level and I would long for the comforts of home—my friends, family, things and even my former job. A part of me held the Lord in utter contempt.

I’ve often mused about the Israelites in Exodus. “How?” I would wonder. “How could they dismiss the presence of the Lord when He went before them in a pillar of cloud? They could actually see Him! How could they complain when He provided them with everything?”

Exodus 14:19  Then the angel of God, who had been leading the people of Israel, moved to the rear of the camp. The pillar of cloud also moved from the front and stood behind them.

Exodus 16:2-4 In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” Then the LORD said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.”

Well, now I know how. They were still hanging on to what little ounce of control they thought they had. They were scared of what lied ahead. And above all else, they did not trust the Lord completely.

Ugh.

I asked God to take the Israelite out of me, to forgive me, and to move my sight outward, not inward. I’ve handed things over, yet again.

I admit that I sneak a side-to-side-backwards glance from time to time. My heart still pangs for B.C., for my family and friends. But for the most part, I’ve got my eyes up, feet forward and a genuine smile on my face. I am here, in the “desert” and now I’m ready to follow instructions.

4 comments for “The Israelite in me

  1. Deanna
    November 1, 2011 at 4:35 am

    I totally get that. I often wondered why the Israelites were so dumb and stubborn and ignorant to God. Kinda like the rest of us!! Thanks for sharing. Press on! xo

    • cvictory-admin
      November 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm

      Thanks Deanna! You too!

  2. Lisa
    November 1, 2011 at 4:40 am

    Wow! Great way to put it. You’ve just given me a bit of perspective too. Thanks.

    • cvictory-admin
      November 3, 2011 at 10:50 pm

      Thank you Lisa for your comments and for dropping in!

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